Cooking With No One: Vegetable Curry.

This is a picture heavy post.

A few weeks ago I was watching a movie called Nina's Heavenly Delights and it inspired me to try making my own curry, without using any store bought curry pastes, or curry powders. It turned out really well, so I made it again, and this time I took pictures.

First I pre-cut a mountain of vegetables. I used potato, sweet potato, carrot, cauliflower and green beans. Of course, these can be swapped out for other veggies depending on personal taste. (I've heard there's some degenerates out there that actually like to have peas in their curry. Horrifying, I know.)

 Cut up 2 onions. Then go and sit somewhere else for a while, cursing the fact that scientists keep developing new treatments for erectile dysfunction, but haven't yet genetically engineered an onion that won't make my eyeballs feel raw. Damn onions.

Once the onion-induced tears stopped streaming, I started making my home-made curry paste.  I began with an entire small jar of minced garlic. Woolworths brand, nothing fancy.

Add a big dollop of minced chili.

A smaller dollop of minced ginger.

A bunch of chili powder.

Some ground cumin.

Garam Masala.

And finally a bunch of tumeric, (Apologies for not having actual amounts here. When I cook with spices, I generally just keep adding until stuff smells the way I think it should. It's worked for me so far.)

Mix thoroughly until you get a fairly unappetizing looking paste, that smells great.

Heat oil in a large pot. Add paste to hot oil and stir around for a little while releasing all the flavours.

Throw in the onion. Mix through paste, and saute for a few minutes, stirring all the while.

 Add the mountain of vegetables.

 Mix them around until they are completely coated in curry paste.

 Add two cans of diced tomatoes. I like the diced Italian with basil, garlic and onion. I use it every time I have something that requires diced tomatoes. (Unless I'm using fresh ones.)

 Mix well. It was at this point I remembered that last time I used my much larger stockpot, and had to swap everything from the pot I was using to the stockpot, as I was having trouble stirring and there wasn't going to be room for the yoghurt.

 Add a large container of natural yoghurt. If you want to go vegan, or know someone who's vegan, you can use some kind of soy yoghurt or whatever vegans might use as a yoghurt substitute. I'm a firm believer in the magical powers of bacon, so I'm not sure what that substitute may be.

 More mixing. I also added coriander, but I forgot to take a photo. Oops.

 Simmer over a low heat for several hours, stirring occasionally so you don't end up with gross burned bits on the bottom of the pot. They're a bitch to clean off later.

Served with Roti bread. Yum.

Diamonds: Recap, Part 2

Part 1 directly below this post.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
London: Diamond Model is being interviewed about Denmont Diamonds. When she is asked about the blood diamond trade she tells the interviewer that Denmont only engages in fair trade practices as she has been told.

Congo: Senator Mom is at the diamond mine where Sarah was killed. She is very upset.

Sierra Leone: Boy Soldier and Camera Boy are crossing back into Sierra Leone. They shelter overnight in a broken down old house. The next morning they are caught by rebels who plan to take them to their camp. A group of border soldiers open fire on the rebels and the boys run away.

Canada: Actual Dyson is shooting at blocks of snow. It looks fun. Steph asks him to take her out in the helicopter to do some geophysics stuff my Brother-in-Law would probably understand far better than I do.
They fly over the setup of the opposing digging team  - owned by Denmont. I'd be shocked by this development if I'd never watched TV or a movie before. Actual Dyson is bitching about not wanting to be there. The chopper is shot at and has to land.
The Denmont people claim it wasn't them shooting at the chopper, and they won't help Actual Dyson and Steph get it fixed. They will feed them until they can find a way out though. Luckily they're not quite evil enough to poison their food.

Evil Demont joins Steph and Actual Dyson for dinner, and Steph (rather stupidly in my opinion) starts telling Evil Denmont where she thinks the diamond depositories are. Actual Dyson tells her to shut up. Good call Actual Dyson! Evil claims he wants to help them.

Probably Johannesburg: Another boring meeting with Denmont executives that I will not be going into detail about.

London: Evil Denmont (who must be racking up a shitload of frequent flyer points), is in bed with Diamond Model. I care nothing for this romantic subplot unless it truns out Diamond Model is a secret agent collecting info. It probably won't.

Congo: Senator Mom chats on the phone with her husband. He thinks she is endangering her politcal career. I start to wonder if he's actually just an aide since I'd think a man would be more supportive of his wife's decision to go after her daughter's murderers. After hanging up she heads to the bar and meets with Tape Guy. While they are talking he is escorted from the premises by three big security men. The next time we see him, he is badly beaten and being manhandled out of a car. He is shot in the head. Two mysterious men in another car watch while the shooter leaves the body and drives away.

Johannesburg: Daddy Denmont meets with Evil Denmont, who wants Evan (Evil's younger brother/guy having engagement party way back near the start of part 1), to join the business. Daddy tells Evil that the Russians think Evil is behind the slaughter at the Russian-owned mine in Angola. Evil is dismissive of these claims. Daddy makes it clear to Evil that he will fight to regain control of the company.

Canada: Steph and Denver chat about Evil Denmont saying he wants to help them. Lou will not be happy.  Steph shows Lou where she thinks the diamond deposits are - deep in the ground under a frozen lake. They argue about drilling there, she pulls rank and then threatens to go to Denmont. (Oh noes! Don't be stupid Steph!)

Sierra Leone: Boy Soldier is trying to sell his diamonds to a pawn shop owner. Not happy with the price he's offered he leaves.

London: It has been leaked to the press that Denmont buys blood diamonds. Evil Denmont has been set up by Daddy Denmont. Denmont board members are upset and have a very boring meeting about it.

Congo: Senator Mom is told the guy responsible for the massacre at the Russian owned mine is the guy who arranged Sarah's murder and that it was done on order from the Denmonts.

London: Diamond Model goes to see her activist ex-boyfriend who tells her the Denmont company is evil. She defends them, but it has got her thinking.

Evil Denmont is having a rough diamond cut to go in a ring.

Canada: Steph's team is drilling through the ice into the lakebed. They let her know that the ice is starting to weaken. She tells them to drill deeper even though the ice is softening. I worry they will all fall through and drown/freeze to death.

London: Evil Denmont tries to convince Diamond Model they aren't evil and it's not their fault if the occasional unsanctioned diamond ends up in their possesion. She seems to believe him. He gives her a diamond ring.

Sierra Leone: Boy Soldier and Camera Boy hide out in Boy Soldier's aunt's house. Later they try to sell the diamonds to people outside a diamond exchange but are spotted by the rebel soldier who sent Boy Soldier on his mission. He takes both boys back to his camp.

Congo: Senator Mom calls Daddy Denmont to ask about the man who arranged Sarah's murder. He points out that is no longer the head of the company, but that he will look into it.

Johannesburg: Daddy Denmont's intelligence man confirms that Evil Denmont was behind Sarah's murder.

London: Denmont press conference trying to downplay all the bad press.

Canada: Actual Dyson snowmobiles out to the ice rig to talk to Steph and Denver. Steph is worried they may not find any diamonds. I'm still worried they may all drown.

Sierra Leone: Boy Soldier's boss is going to cut off one of his hands as punishment for stealing from Mohammed. Boy Soldier stops him by promising to take him to more diamonds.

London: Daddy Denmont goes to see Diamond Model. He gives her proof that Evil Denmont is evil.

Canada: Denver and Actual Dyson head up to their old dig site, which is where Lou wants them to be. Steph lets one of the other team members (I'll be calling him Guy)know that she's starting to think there's nothing under lake.

Sierra Leone: After Boy Soldier takes his boss to the diamonds, Boss tries to shoot him. He misses. Boy Soldier and Camera Boy run. After almost being caught Boy Soldier kills his boss and takes his diamonds back.

London: People are protesting the opening of a Denmont diamond store. Evil Denmont is informed that Diamond Model hasn't arrived and goes to find her. He ends up in a confrontation with Daddy Denmont who is planning to sue him for all his misdeeds.

Congo: Senator Mom is giving a press conference about Sarah's killer. The Congolese President is there claiming he wants an honest and open investigation into the murder. We know he's lying.

Canada: Steph and Guy snowmobile out to the ice rig. The team has found diamonds out there. Lou is pleased, and he bonds with Steph. They notice Denver is missing. Steph, Actual Dyson and Guy go looking for him. He's lying in the snow too frozen to move. They get him back to his tent, warm him up and determine he'll be fine. Lame dick joke from Guy. Steph's really upset that she forgot one of her team and he could have ended up dead.

**********I'm breaking up this sad moment with a joke*****************
A man takes his broken down snowmobile to a mechanic.
The mechanic says "looks like you've blown a seal"
Man says "nah, that's just frost on my mustache".
********************************************************************************

London: Evil Denmont won't answer phone calls from his lackies. He drives past the diamond store with all the protesters, but he doesn't go in.

Canada: The team pack up and say goodbye to each other. Denver has frost in his mustache which makes me laugh to myself, because I decided to tell that joke before I saw this scene. Hah.
We get a really pretty shot of sun shining through the clouds over snowy rocks.

Ohhh pretty.

USA: Senator Mom and Steph visit Sarah's grave. Steph leaves a cylinder containing a diamond sample on the grave. (It will probably get stolen). Senator Mom tells Steph not to feel guilty about anything because Sarah's death is not her fault, and she's glad Sarah was with Steph. They hug. Awww.

Sierra Leone: Soldier Boy and Camera Boy make their way to Sierra Leone Freedom School. They offer the diamonds to the priest in charge. He won't take them, and invites the boys into the school. They join a soccor game with the other students. Happy ending for them.

End of movie.

Diamonds: Recap, Part 1

I was just going to review this movie, but since it turned out to be quite good, and may not be the easiest thing for people to get ahold of, I decided to recap it instead. My messy, handwritten notes were about 14 pages long, so it will be a two part recap. (And will presumably take up far less space now that it's being typed, and I'm editing it down as I go).

Congo: Native Africans working in a diamond mine. They are being watched and recorded by two geologists, Sarah & Stephanie. Just as a teenaged worker finds a large diamond, some Rebel Soldiers arrive. Steph wants to leave because it isn't safe, but Sarah goes to introduce herself to the soldiers while Steph films her. Sarah is shot in the head, and the soldiers open fire on everyone else as they run for cover. Steph drops the camera as she runs. The boy who found the diamond is killed. One of the soldiers pockets the video camera while another takes the diamond from the dead boy.

USA: A republican senator is having a campaign party. The senator is Sarah's mother (hereafter known as Senator Mom {American spelling because she's American}), and she is told of her daughter's death during the party.

Johannesburg: Head of the Denmont Diamond Company (Daddy Denmont) is holding an engagement party for his youngest son, Evan. His older son (Evil Denmont) shows up with the diamond that was taken from the dead boy.

London: A young woman is being prepared to model in a show featuring Denmont diamonds.

Sierra Leone: Diamond mine. Workers are digging for diamonds, then bringing them to rebel soldiers who are underpaying. A worker argues over the amount he is given and is shot by a little boy soldier, who looks to be about 10-12 years old.

USA: Sarah's funeral. Steph is very sad, and feeling guilty that Sarah was murdered as she was in charge of the mission.
If this movie was a graphic novel this would be the point where Steph would swear to avenge her friend's death, and then become a superhero.
It would look like this:

That doesn't happen.

Senator Mom wants to go on a UN backed mission to bring Sarah's killer to justice.

Africa (probably Johannesburg): The Board Members of the Denmont Diamond Company are having a meeting about how the don't control enough of the diamond trade. The Chairmanship is taken away from Daddy Denmont and handed over to Evil Denmont, possibly because he is clearly evil and willing to engage in unscrupulous practices.

Sierra Leone: Boy Soldier is being sent on a mission to smuggle diamonds into Liberia.

Canada: Steph's dad (who is also her boss), has sent her to do some geological survey work with a mining group. She is collected at the airstrip by Lou, a grumpy guy who is not happy she's there. He takes her to a strip clup to meet the rest of the team. I'm not sure if that's because they're hazing her, of if they just hang out there regularly. The guys are largely obnoxious. The pole dancer can't dance and her underwear is a horrible shade of green.

USA: Senator Mom is at a reception for the UN group that will be traveling to Africa. At the bar she meets Daddy Denmont who tells her to look him up should she make it to Johannesburg.

London: Diamond Model has been made the 'face' of Denmont Diamonds. She impresses Evil Denmont with her attitude. Also I'm pretty sure he wants to get her in the sack.

Liberian Border: Boy Soldier makes it to the border checkpoint. He takes the diamonds he's smuggling out of his backpack and puts them a teddy bear belonging to a little kid sitting nearby. He takes them back after they have made it through.

London: Boring meeting about diamonds.

Canada: Steph arrives at the exploration camp. They guy who plays Dyson on Lost Girl shows up and I find him just as skeevy here as I do on Lost Girl. His name is Denver, but I shall be calling him Dyson. Dyson tells Steph the guy she replaced died on the job.

Angola: A previously unseen diamond mine owned by Russians. Some shady looking guys show up and kill a bunch of people.

Congo: Senator Mom has arrived and is being escorted to a reception with the Congolese President. Rich, fancy people sure do have a lot of receptions.
After the reception an aide to the president (or a man claiming to be an aide) gives Senator Mom an envelope he says contains a clue about Sarah's death. It is a videotape with footage from right before Sarah was shot.

Johannesburg: Pointless scene with Daddy Denmont and his wife.

London: Diamond Model is being grilled by Denmont PR people about how to handle questions as to whether Denmont trades in blood diamonds.

Liberia: Boy Soldier makes it to the home of his contact in Liberia, a man who appears to be of Middle Eastern descent, named Mohammed. As he walks in, a boy around the same age is taking photos of him until he is told to stop by his older sister. Mohammed is happy with the diamonds and invites Soldier Boy to stay for a few days until someone can take him back to Sierra Leone.

Canada: Even though the team ask her to sit with them Steph sits by herself at dinner. It's not made clear if this is because she doesn't like and/or trust them, or if she just likes to be on her own. Dyson joins her, and it's at this point I find out that one of the guys on the team is actually named Dyson, so I shall start calling Lost Girl Dyson by his character name, Denver.

After dinner Denver goes to see Steph in her tent and she tells him she thinks they are digging in the wrong spot. She wants him to get everyone together early in the morning so she can show them where she thinks they should be digging.

Lou tells Steph she's wrong and they get into a little pissing match over it. He tells everyone about people dying on her last mission, and for some reason Steph doesn't point out that they were killed by rebel soldiers, which has nothing to do with her skills as a geologist. The team goes with Lou.
Steph calls her dad and says she wants off the mission. He won't let her, and he's being a bit of dick about it so she hangs up on him. She's sad. Awww.

Congo: Senator Mom is taken to a warehousy place by Tape Guy. The have the soldier who shot Sarah tied up, and they've been torturing him for information. Senator Mom isn't too happy about the torturing, but then they show her the rest of the tape, so she sees Sarah's being killed. The soldier confirms that she was killed because of diamonds.

London: Yet another diamond party.

Liberia: The Congolese President shows up at Mohammed's house. They are clearly involved in some shady dealings. Camera Boy takes photos and the President notices and accuses Mohammed of setting him up. In order to prove himself trustworthy Mohammed orders Camera Boy be killed. Boy Soldier shoots the gunman in the head, and after Camera Boy's sister gives Boy Soldier some diamonds she stole from Mohammed's safe, they run away.


End part 1.

DVD stuff

Some of you may remember a while back I posted about how I was on a mission to see all the stuff the Warehouse 13 cast had been in, starting with my TV girlfriend, Joanne Kelly. Some of you may not remember this. I'd link to that post but I'm lazy, and it's basically explained in the first sentence of this post.

One of the things I wanted to see was a TV mini-series called Diamonds. All about the rough diamond trade in Africa and the people that get killed over it. So, like Blood Diamonds, only without having to watch Leonardo DiCaprio. Which is a plus for me because I find him really off-putting. (Other actors I find off-putting: Antonio Banderas, Megan Fox, and sometimes Drew Barrymore, mostly in her real-life appearances, where her cheerfulness always seems really forced and desperate to me. Maybe it is, her life wasn't really a picnic, maybe I'm imagining things, anyway, I've gone off track a bit).

Diamonds. Made as part of a collaboration between the Canadian and South African film industries. Filmed in both countries. And for some reason only released on DVD in Norway. Why Norway, I have no idea. I would have thought they would at least release it in the countries where it was made.

I now have a copy. Because Amazon is awesome, and because the first thing I do with any new DVD player is set it to region free, so I can watch DVDs from anywhere, I ordered it. It only cost $37 AUD including delivery, so I'm happy with the price. It arrived in my post box today, and I spent my lunchbreak making a mad dash into the city to pick it up, because now that my hours have changed, they're closed in the mornings when I pass through the city, and in the evenings when I go back.

I shall watch it when I get home from work, and may or may not do a mini-review, depending on how I feel and/or whether anyone is interested.

Internet Explorer Hates Me

For the past few weeks I've been having some problems with Internet Explorer. It started out with my yahoo mail account. I would click on a new mail, it would open, but no text would load, unless I pressed the forward button (reply didn't work, it had to be forward). Then I could read whatever was in the email.

Next the emails just wouldn't open at all. Since it was happening at work as well as at home, I thought maybe it was a problem with Yahoo. Especially after it had a fit and spontaneously deleted a whole bunch of the emails I could see sitting there, but couldn't read.

Then just as that problem started resolving itself I started having issues with blogger. The pages take forever to load. I can't reply to any posts because even though I have no problem seeing all other images, the little security word shows up as a box with a cross in it.

And the three times I've tried to post here, as soon as I hit the Publish Post button I get an error message.

Luckily I've still been able to do stuff at LiveJournal, since everyone I follow over there has been freaking out about what happened in the Warehouse 13 finale just as much as I have.

So, I've loaded up Safari on my computer. My emails all loaded very fast, and I had no problem reading them. I was able to successfully comment on a blogger post (and then just to check it wasn't a random blogger problem that had been fixed, I tried to comment again using IE and had the same issue as before). Now I'm trying to do a post of my own. If it works, yay!
If it doesn't I will cry bitter tears of frustration. (Well I probably won't because I'm really not a crier, although I did tear up at Warehouse. It was just so sad.)

Magic Quilt

When I was a baby my mother made me a little patchwork quilt. She made it out of material from dresses that used to belong to her and my older sister. The quilt started out in my cot, then when I was three I got  a baby doll for christmas and the patchwork quilt was what I wrapped her in when I carted her around.

The quilt has been through countless household moves, was used/played with both inside and outside, and around 11 years ago it was in my flat when I had a fire that covered almost everything in soot. It has been around me, one of lifes natural spillers and stainers, for 34 years.

I took this photo of the quilt 2 hours ago:

It is spotless. Not a single stain. It came out of my fire soot free. The white bits are still white and the colours are still bright. It hasn't faded with age or worn through from handling.
My brother and I have agreed that it must be a magic quilt. It's really the only explanation for an almost 35 year old quilt to look like it was only just made.

A post with a bunch of little video clips

Anyone who's been here before probably knows I watch a lot of movies and television shows.

Every now and then, a line or scene from a movie or show will randomly pop into my head, and won't go away until I watch whatever it's from. Today I thought I'd share these moments.

Movies first.

The opening cheer from Bring It On:

Bring It On is a completely ridiculous movie, but so much fun to watch.

Imagine Me & You:

This line is used twice in the movie. Once in the scene above, where Luce is teaching Rachel how to shout properly, and once when Rachel is trying to get Luce's attention in a noisy traffic jam. I've included that one below.

Poor number 9. I always find myself pausing this movie half way through to make a cup of tea. It must be the Britishness of it.

Labyrinth:

I love Labyrinth. When I was a kid, I could recite the whole movie from start to finish.

Tomb Raider:

I don't know what it is about Lara Croft saying "Absolutely" that I enjoy so much, but enjoy it I do, and it does randomly lodge itself in my brain.

TV Shows

Chuck: Chuck vs. the Crown Vic (Season 1, Episode 11)

Ahh, first season UST Chuck and Sarah bickering. I love her tone there.

Eureka: Purple Haze (Season 1, Episode 10)

Jo saying "ice-skating!" was one of those things that I thought probably amused me way more than it should. We all have moments like that, where we find something hilarious, and our friends are looking at us like we're idiots, all 'it's not that funny'. Then I found the podcast commentary for the episode and discovered that the cast find it just as funny as I do, so at least I'm not alone in that.

Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars

I  know this could have gone in the movies section, as it's from the movie that wrapped up the series, but if I'm gonna watch the Peacekeeper Wars, I have to watch the whole series leading up to it.

Fringe: Ability (Season 1, Episode 14)

Such a cute little teasing moment in an episode that's actually fairly tense for Olivia.

Law & Order: SVU - Guilt (Season 3, Episode 18)

Poor Alex, she really needed a hug pretty much throughout the whole episode. Also remember when this show was still awesome and Benson was a kick ass detective, instead of the whiny cry baby she is now. It all went so far downhill I honestly don't know how it gets an automatic renewel every year.

The X-Files: Bad Blood (Season 5, Episode 12)

No matter what kind of bad mood I might happen to be in, this moment always makes me laugh. And the whole episode is pretty much the funniest episode of The X-Files ever.

Lastly I'll just mention a line from an episode of Law & Order that I can't post, because I don't have it on DVD. For some reason even though the network has released all the seasons of SVU & Criminal Intent, they have only released up to season 8 of their original, longest running drama. Damn them, I want my Abbie Carmichael seasons!

From Cherished (L&O Season 9, Episode 1) while trying to decide who should be punished the most for the death of a baby girl:
Abbie Carmichael: "No deals for anybody. Let's hang 'em all."
I love Abbie.

Cooking With No One: Spicy Pork Ribs

Ingredients

'American-style' pork ribs

Dry Spice Rub

Large container of sweet paprika (this is the base)

2 pkts mustard powder (all packets are the ones that hang near the jars in the spice aisle)

2 pkts five spice powder

2 pkts black pepper

3 pkts chili powder

3 pkts chili flakes

1 pkt cinnamon

1 jar onion salt

Mix all spices together thoroughly. This will clear your sinuses. This actually makes way more than you need for the ribs, but when stored in an airtight jar it lasts for ages. We also use it to marinate other meats and add it to taco mix, and anything else we want spicy.

Glaze

500ml honey

500ml smokey bbq sauce

1 cup apple cidar vinegar

1/2 cup brown sugar

Mix together until completely combined. Again, this makes way more than you need for the ribs, but lasts for ages in the fridge. It can also be used on other meats, as a stir-fry sauce, and the other day my brother told me he was using it as a dipping sauce.

Method

Cut ribs into good sized pieces and place in baking tray.

Spoon on some spice rub, to rub into the ribs. I use more than is shown in the picture, but I wanted to make sure it all photographed well.

Put on gloves!!! This is very important. I didn't do that the first time I made these, and as I was rubbing in the spice mix, my hands started to burn. After repeated frantic handwashings, and holding a bag of frozen vegetables between my hands, the worst of the burning feeling went away, but my hands stung for two days afterwards. So, gloves.

Rub spice mix into ribs, both sides, until they are well covered.

Cover with foil, and put in fridge overnight, so the spice rub has several hours to tenderise the meat.

---------do whatever it is you do during the evening, sleep, do whatever it is you do during the morning and early afternoon----------

Put ribs in oven and bake (still foil covered), at 180 C. Length of time varies depending on thickness of ribs and how moody your oven may be. Anywere between 75 - 90 minutes usually does it.

If you're making a whole bunch of ribs, they can be cooked early, take them out of the oven, put the next batch in, and when the just removed batch has cooled a little bit, put them back in the fridge until the glazing stage.

Glazing! This can be done on a barbeque. I don't like cooking outside because of the cats, and the flies, and the sunlight and fresh air, so I do this under the griller.

Place ribs on foil-lined grill plate, and brush with glaze.

Put under heat (on high), for a few minutes, re-glaze put back under heat until slightly darkened, but not burned. Glaze may be bubbling a little bit. That's fine.

Turn over and do the other side.

These ribs are messy, sticky and so spicy hot that they burn the inside of your mouth and leave your lips tingly-numb. They are awesome.

Tender meat sliced from bone and put on breadroll:

Normally I serve the ribs with potato salad (dressing: mayonnaise, sour cream & lemon juice). This time they were served with a side of cheesy rice.

Bookmarks

I read a lot. I've always got at least one book on me, and if I'm near the end, I'll have an emergency back up book. Just in case. I read at the bus stop, on the bus, in really long lines at the post office, on my break at work. Basically, as far as I'm concerned, any time I have to do just about anything, it's something that's getting in the way of my reading time.

Like most people, I often don't get to finish a book in one sitting because of all those other things that need doing (although on my recent holidays I had the chance), so I use bookmarks.

I hate, hate, hate dog-eared pages. Whenever I let someone borrow a book from me, I make very sure to tell them if they turn down the pages they will not be borrowing from me again.

My bookmarks are specially made just for me. My mother (River - you all know her) makes them for me. Sometimes she makes them from pictures I email (did you get the one I just sent?), sometimes they are pictures she knows I'll like, and I get some surprise bookmarks I wasn't expecting. I keep them all together in a drawer, and I'll use one for a little while, then put it back in the drawer and use another one.

You might be wondering now why I don't make them myself. There are a lot of things I can do very well. There are some things I'm useless at. One of those things is using clear plastic contact. I always get bubbles. Weirdly shaped ones that don't smooth away. They stretch and break and look funny.

So mum makes them for me, and I really appreciate having bookmarks that are different from anything anyone else has.

While we're on the subject of books, I was reading one from the library today, the first book in a trilogy. I was really enjoying it and found I could buy the entire trilogy at Amazon in a box set for under $15. Yay, affordable books! For anyone who's interested the trilogy is The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson.

Movie Review: Cowboys & Aliens (aka There's Gold In Them Thar Hills)

THIS POST WILL PROBABLY CONTAIN SPOILERS. Maybe, it really depends on how descriptive I'm feeling as I type.

Cowboys & Aliens starring (in alphabetical order):

Daniel Craig. Not my favourite Bond (that would be Connery), but I do like his work.

Harrison Ford. When did he start looking so old? He didn't look anywhere near this grandpa-like in Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, which was only 3 years ago. Still cool though.

Olivia Wilde. I love that she's in the old-westerny type dress, but she has a gunbelt slung around her waist and hip. Because she's kick-ass. She's my favourite.

As I mentioned in a previous post this movie has been getting some bad reviews, in fact I just read another one today (the complaint this time, not enough old west, and not enough sci-fi. Whatever).
I don't get why so many people are so hostile toward this movie. I thought it was awesome.

I will admit that Olivia Wilde is one of my favourite actresses, one of the ones where I'll see anything she's in, so maybe I'm biased because of that. (Sidenote, I don't care for her latest hairstyle. Not the one for the movie, but the fringe thing she's got going on now. I really don't think it suits her. Still she did recently break up with the man she'd been married to since she was 19, so maybe the fringe is her version of the 'dramatic post-breakup new life' haircut, without actually having to cut off the rest of her lovely hair. Meanwhile, I'm cutting my lovely hair on the weekend. It's very straight, and is right now about 2 and half inches from being waist length, and it takes sooo long to dry in the mornings, and sometimes feels quite heavy, so I've gotten my brother to agree to cut it shoulder length for me. None of that has anything to do with the movie, I just thought I'd share, and presumbly if you didn't want the occasional off-topic ramble you'd be reading someone else's blog.)

The movie: Daniel Craig's character, Jake, wakes up in a desert with no idea who he is and a weird metal bracelet thing on his wrist. He's ambushed by bandits, beats them up, steals their weapons, one of the horses and a dog, and makes his way to a small dusty town, that is being mildly terrorised by the wussy son of Harrison Ford's character Woodrow. He also meets Olivia's Wilde's character, mysterious Ella, the chick with the gunbelt.

One issue I do have with this movie is how weirdly protective Woodrow is of his dropkick adult son. I'm pretty sure in the old west a character like that would not have put up with the boy's behaviour. He would've given him a good hiding instead.

Aliens attack the town. Interestingly, we're calling them aliens, because that's the word we use, but in Arizona in 1873 apparently that wasn't a term they knew, as they refer to them as demons. The aliens are sufficiently creepy, with weird chests that fold open to reveal an extra set of arms that end in claws. They also have cool scout ships that look like giant metal bugs.

This is where Jake's weird metal bracelet first comes into play. It's actually an alien weapon he accidently stole from the ship where he had been kept prisoner (gasp!) along with his now dead wife. Poor Jake. There's fighting and people being grabbed by the alien ships and whatnot. Plus explosions. I love explosions.

There's a cute moment with Ella and Jake, after Ella gets grabbed by one of the scout ships. Jake shoots it down and as it's falling over a lake of water he jumps on the ship and frees Ella. They land in the water and after they come up for air, they have this little exchange: Jake "We were flying." Ella: "Yeah...". It was cute, and also even in the terror of being taken by aliens, I think you'd have to take a moment to enjoy the wonder at having an experience that you've never even considered a possibility before.

They find the main spaceship, which once we see it out of the ground (at first it's mostly buried), puts me in mind of a giant sonic screwdriver. A clear sign I watch too much Doctor Who. It turns out the aliens are after our gold. I'm not entirely sure why they have to kill us to get it, but maybe they're just dicks.

In the end the cowboys win. Yay cowboys! But Ella sacrificed herself to destroy the ship, so Jake is still sad, because he doesn't even get a hot new wife to replace the dead one.

So, I enjoyed Cowboys & Aliens, and will more than likely buy it when it comes out on DVD.

Shirtless Adventures In Mystery Land, Part 4

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3


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   Joshua trudged shirtlessly down the dirt road. He'd been walking for three days, without encountering another living being. Even the faeries hadn't been around.
   Everything was dusty. His legs ached, and Joshua was bored. He wished he had an iPod. Or a television. The magic tent had a proper bed, would it have really been so hard to give him a television as well?
   Overcome with loneliness and despair, Joshua sat down shirtlessly in the middle of the road, and couldn't bring himself to move.

   Joshua had been sitting shirtlessly in the road for about half an hour when he heard a loud rumbling noise. Looking around, he noticed the day had darkened considerably and the sky was filled with thick black clouds.
   On the other side of the  field that bordered the dirt road was a large mountain range. Joshua thought he noticed a slight outcropping a little way up the mountain. Hoping it would protect him from what he was sure was an oncoming storm, he dashed shirtlessly for the mountains.

   Joshua reached the mountain just as the rain started to fall. Thunder and lightning soon followed, the sheet lightning brightening the whole area.
   Joshua shirtlessly watched the storm for a little while before deciding to to check out the little area in which he'd taken shelter.

  In the far corner of the covered area was a large crevice that appeared to be lit from the inside. It seemed large enough to fit through, so Joshua gathered up his messenger bag and shirtlessly headed toward the light.

   The crevice opened into a large chamber, lit by what seemed to be millions of fireflies. In the centre of the chamber was a deep blue-green pond, bordered with large polished rocks.
   Joshua stopped still for a moment, shirtlessly taking in the beauty of his surroundings. Then without thought he walked down to the pond.

   Joshua sat at the edge of the pond dangling his bare feet in the water. It felt so warm and soothing. He pulled off his jeans and boxer briefs and dived nakedly into the water.

    (THIS JUST BECAME NAKED ADVENTURES IN MYSTERY LAND!!)


   Drifting nakedly in the water, Joshua was contemplating his journey. He was starting to feel better about being on the quest even with the constant loneliness. He thought maybe the water had something to do with his change in attitude. He was definitely feeling stronger and more refreshed.
   Joshua had just started wondering how long he could stay in the pond before his skin started doing that weird pruney thing, when he felt something brush against his left thigh. He splashed frantically to the edge of the pond and scrambled nakedly onto the rocks.
   He took a moment to catch his breath before leaning over to peer into the pond. Squinting against the lights shining off the water's surface, he thought he could make out a large shape flickering through the deep.

   The shape started getting closer to the surface and Joshua jumped back nakedly in shock when a mermaid emerged from the water and hoisted herself up onto the rocks next to him. The mermaid glanced quickly at Joshua's wet, naked form and grinned to herself. Reaching out, she trailed her fingers down his arm.
   "Hello Joshua," she smiled at him, "I've been waiting for you."

TBC...

They Don't Even Have Fingers, Let Alone Opposable Thumbs

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the King's horses, and all the King's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Why were they using horses to try and reassemble a broken egg? If it was actually an egg. Sure, that's what the pictures show, but what if he was just an unfortunately named, very rotund human? Horses would have been even less help. (Also, hopefully some of the King's men were surgeons). Nursery rhymes are insane if you think about them too much.

Colouring Books, and the Way Time Changes

I used to love colouring books. I was not a very social child, and unlike every single one of my siblings I can't draw. Which makes me sad. I see stuff so clearly in my head, and yet I can't put it on paper. My hands won't cooperate and I have no sense of perspective. Anyway, colouring books. I was very good at colouring. Meticulous. Always stayed in the lines, chose my colours very carefully.

When my niece and nephew were little I watched them a few days a week, which gave me an excuse to buy colouring books again. I was disappointed to find they were different from when I was little. The pictures were much simpler, bigger spaces for colouring in. Nowhere near as detailed as they used to be.

This morning, after my little blogger rant, for some reason I started thinking about a colouring book I had when I was a kid. We were staying in a hotel in either Sydney or Melbourne because we were moving house (I think it was Melbourne, because the Sydney time was when my hand got burnt - mum you might remember if this was in Melbourne?), it was raining, we were bored, so we went down to the 7-11 and bought these awesome colouring in books. All of us older kids got one. They were A3 size and the pictures were so detailed. One of the pictures was a Tyranosauras Rex crashing through some jungle after another dinosaur. There was even a little pool of water near his feet with a tiny dinosaur in it. The other picture I remember was a ship on an ocean in flames, people jumping over the edge into the water, some of them on fire. Even with the violent imagery it was a beautiful picture.

I've tried telling people about this book and most people think I must have imagined it, because those pictures would never end up in a book for kids. I point out how much times have changed since then (we used to have the movie Carrie on tape. We watched it a lot because it was on after Willy Wonka. It was rated PG back then, now it's R18+, Little House On The Prairie was once a wholesome show that was considered good family viewing, now some of those episodes would have an M rating for content, times change).

Does anyone else remember the colouring book I'm talking about? Anyone know where I can get one like that today, with proper pictures that have actual detail?