Shirtless Adventures In Mystery Land, Part 6

 Note: This story is running out of steam in my brain, so there will probably only be one more part after this one to wrap it all up.
Part 1  Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
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Joshua ran shirtlessly down the road, messenger bag bouncing against his left hip. Trying to outrun a swarm of wasp type things intent on stinging him, he noticed a river coming in to view. Desperately hoping wasps in this world hated water, he veered toward it. Throwing off his bag, he jumped shirtlessly into the water.

Spluttering to the surface, scanning for wasps, Joshua noticed the area he'd run into was all burnt grass and scorched, blackened trees.

Looking around shirtlessly, Joshua wondered what could have caused this destruction. Fire, obviously, but what started the fire? And when had it happened? The scorched trees were still ashy and the grass hadn't had a chance to start growing back.

While he was shirtlessly thinking over this situation, several tiny humanoid creatures, wearing loincloths and shrieking loudly, ran past. Suddenly the tiny creatures were engulfed in a ball of flame. As Joshua managed to tear his eyes away from this horrifying image, they landed on a huge fire-breathing dragon. A beautiful animal, scales shimmering in purples and blues. Joshua stared in shirtless wonderment.

Snapping into action, Joshua jumped out of the river, grabbed his bag and advanced on the dragon, shirtlessly brandishing his sword.

The dragon snuffed out his flame, and gazed at Joshua, looking deep into his eyes.

"Joshua," he heard a deep rumbling voice, echoing inside his head, "help me."

Joshua shirtlessly surveyed the dragon, noticing chipped scales and rivulets of blood running down the dragons chest. The dragon's thoughts in his head told him the small creatures were pixies, and they had attacked the dragon unprovoked, planning on slaughtering him, to use his scales for armor, feasting on his flesh.

"Can you fly?" Joshua shirtlessly asked the dragon.

The huge animal nodded.

"Can you carry me?"

"Yes." The dragon rumbled, lowering himself against the ground.

Joshua shirtlessly climbed on the dragon's back, avoiding obvious injuries. Together they flew in the direction of his castle.

Shirtless Adventures In Mystery Land: Part 5

Because River reminded me I hadn't worked on this in a while.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
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The mermaid's tail turned into a pair of legs. Really nice legs, Joshua noticed, as she stood, stretching nakedly, before walking over to an alcove near the back of the cave.

She came back to the pond carrying a large, shiny sword. Joshua felt slightly panicy seeing it. Was she going to kill him? What did mermaids eat anyway? Before he could get too carried away with his own thoughts, the mermaid nakedly offered him the sword.

"You'll be needing this on your journey," she said. "The key to your castle has been taken by a nasty tribe of Brownies."

"...little chocolate cake things have my key?" Joshua asked hestitantly.

The mermaid laughed at his question. "Brownies are a type of faerie, somewhat related to goblins. Ususally they're nice, helping people with harvests and housework. This tribe has gone bad, we don't know why. Don't lose the sword Joshua, you'll need it."

Joshua sighed nakedly as he weighted the sword in his hands. It was a good fit. Well balanced, felt like it would be easy to swing and stab. He'd just prefer not to have to use it.

"Good luck Joshua." The mermaid smiled, leaned forward, and kissed Joshua softly. There was a flash of sparkly light, and suddenly Joshua found himself standing shirlessly in a forest, holding his sword. (Not a metaphor).

He was a tiny bit disappointed, as he'd kind of been wondering what mermaid sex might be like. As long as her legs stayed legs of course. Joshua shrugged shirtlessly, adjusted his messenger bag so it was sitting more comfortably and headed off through the forest.
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Nearing the edge of the forest, Joshua shirtlessly came across a stream with a huge waterfall. Pausing to stare at the breathtaking image, he decided this would be a good place to take a break and eat lunch. Shirtlessly setting down his bag, he was knocked off his feet by a small, slender man with very sharp teeth. The small man sat on Joshua's shirtless chest, biting his flailing arm.

Realising this must be one of the Brownies he was meant to find, Joshua heaved himself upward, forcing the man away. Five more Brownies rushed at him, trying to knock him down, biting him anywhere they could.
Joshua scrabbled for his messenger bag, managing to snag it, and retrieve his sword. Backing away from the rabid-seeming creatures, he swung the sword menacingly.

"I don't want to hurt you," he shirtlessly tried to explain, "I just need my key. If you give it to me, I'll leave you in peace."

The Brownies ignored this, snarling and advancing on him, looking to attack. Reluctantly he stabbed at the nearest one, spearing him in the chest.  As it fell to the ground, the five remaining Brownies shrieked and leaped on him, biting and scratching. Joshua fought back stabbing and swinging the sword.

Finally Joshua stood, shirtless, wounded and bleeding, surrounded by the bodies of the dead Brownies. He turned away, horrified by what he'd just done. What he'd had to do. Joshua walked down to the waterfall, standing shirtlessly under the cascading water, washing off the blood. He stayed there long after he was clean, until he felt he could face the bodies again.

Joshua shirtlessly searched the Brownies until he found a large iron key hidden in the clothing of the first Brownie to attack him. It warmed in his hand and seemed to be pointing him in the direction he needed to go to find his castle.

Joshua started walking.
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TBC.
Hopefully this time it won't be a five-month wait before the next part.

Shirtless Adventures In Mystery Land, Part 4

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3


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   Joshua trudged shirtlessly down the dirt road. He'd been walking for three days, without encountering another living being. Even the faeries hadn't been around.
   Everything was dusty. His legs ached, and Joshua was bored. He wished he had an iPod. Or a television. The magic tent had a proper bed, would it have really been so hard to give him a television as well?
   Overcome with loneliness and despair, Joshua sat down shirtlessly in the middle of the road, and couldn't bring himself to move.

   Joshua had been sitting shirtlessly in the road for about half an hour when he heard a loud rumbling noise. Looking around, he noticed the day had darkened considerably and the sky was filled with thick black clouds.
   On the other side of the  field that bordered the dirt road was a large mountain range. Joshua thought he noticed a slight outcropping a little way up the mountain. Hoping it would protect him from what he was sure was an oncoming storm, he dashed shirtlessly for the mountains.

   Joshua reached the mountain just as the rain started to fall. Thunder and lightning soon followed, the sheet lightning brightening the whole area.
   Joshua shirtlessly watched the storm for a little while before deciding to to check out the little area in which he'd taken shelter.

  In the far corner of the covered area was a large crevice that appeared to be lit from the inside. It seemed large enough to fit through, so Joshua gathered up his messenger bag and shirtlessly headed toward the light.

   The crevice opened into a large chamber, lit by what seemed to be millions of fireflies. In the centre of the chamber was a deep blue-green pond, bordered with large polished rocks.
   Joshua stopped still for a moment, shirtlessly taking in the beauty of his surroundings. Then without thought he walked down to the pond.

   Joshua sat at the edge of the pond dangling his bare feet in the water. It felt so warm and soothing. He pulled off his jeans and boxer briefs and dived nakedly into the water.

    (THIS JUST BECAME NAKED ADVENTURES IN MYSTERY LAND!!)


   Drifting nakedly in the water, Joshua was contemplating his journey. He was starting to feel better about being on the quest even with the constant loneliness. He thought maybe the water had something to do with his change in attitude. He was definitely feeling stronger and more refreshed.
   Joshua had just started wondering how long he could stay in the pond before his skin started doing that weird pruney thing, when he felt something brush against his left thigh. He splashed frantically to the edge of the pond and scrambled nakedly onto the rocks.
   He took a moment to catch his breath before leaning over to peer into the pond. Squinting against the lights shining off the water's surface, he thought he could make out a large shape flickering through the deep.

   The shape started getting closer to the surface and Joshua jumped back nakedly in shock when a mermaid emerged from the water and hoisted herself up onto the rocks next to him. The mermaid glanced quickly at Joshua's wet, naked form and grinned to herself. Reaching out, she trailed her fingers down his arm.
   "Hello Joshua," she smiled at him, "I've been waiting for you."

TBC...

Shirtless Adventures In Mystery Land, Part 3

Part 1
Part 2
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   Joshua sat in lush green field, shirtlessly contemplating the quest he was about to start. The faeries hadn't given him a lot of details before they left him on his own.

   He had to find a castle. They'd told him there were a lot of castles in this land, but only one was meant for him and he'd know it when he found it. As in any good quest, along the way he'd face dangerous situations, although they should be nothing he couldn't handle. Calla had handed him a large messenger bag that he was assured would be refilled with food, water and basic supplies every morning, told him everything he needed to complete his quest he would find along the way, ("like a video game," he'd murmurmed shirtlessy to himself), and that if he really needed help he could call for them. Then all three faeries had disappeared in clouds of sparkly dust.

   Joshua sat for a while longer, digging through the messenger bag to see what was in there. Sandwiches, something that looked like cake, and an oddly shaped purple thing he thought might be fruit. He'd definitely be leaving that for last, just in case it was horrible. Or some kind of weird joke the faeries were playing on him. Right at the bottom of the bag, under the water flask, and a roll of toilet paper that made Joshua extremely happy, as he'd been worried he'd have to use leaves, was a little disc with TENT written on it. He was tempted to push the button on the disc, to make sure it worked, but after staring at it for a little while he shrugged shirtlessly and put the disc back in the bag, deciding he'd wait until later. For now, he should probably get moving.

  Hauling himself shirtlessly to his feet, Joshua wandered over to the dirt road at the edge of the field. Taking a look in both directions and seeing only the road stretching into nothing he found himself at a loss. He didn't know which way to go. Joshua laughed quietly to himself when a line from the movie Labyrinth popped into his head, "If she'd 'ave kept on goin' down that way she'd 'ave gone straight to the castle." He had a feeling it wouldn't be that easy for him. That no matter which direction he headed, he'd end up on long and difficult journey. At least he wouldn't have to deal with a goblin king wearing inappropriately tight pants. As far as he knew.

  Joshua shirtlessly dug a coin out of his pocket and flipped it. Heads. Turning to his right he started off down the road.

Shirtless Adventures In Mystery Land, Part 2

previously on SAIML: "Is this Narnia?"
or here's the full post http://nothingbyno-one.blogspot.com/2011/03/shirtless-adventures-in-mystery-land.html
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    Tinkly laughter filled the air. The sound was strange, putting Joshua in mind of silver and glitter.
    "He thinks he's in Narnia," one of the sparkly creatures said. "There's no faeries in Narnia!"

     Joshua heaved himself shirtlessly to his feet, still staring slackjawed at the naked women calling themselves faeries.
     "I thought faeries were little, Tinkerbell sized..." he trailed off.
     "Television," one of the faeries shook her head in disgust, "it gets everything wrong."
     "Tinkebell started in a book," said another of the faeries, "but that was wrong too."
     "Come on Man," the first faerie grabbed Joshua's arm. "It's time to start your quest.

     Joshua shook her off and backed shirtlessly away. Normally he enjoyed being touched by beautiful naked women, but nothing about this was even close to normal.
     "Look, Faerie, my name is Joshua, not Man, and what quest? I was in a hotel and I'm in this weird place, I don't even have a shirt, and can you please put some clothes on, it's distracting."

     The first faerie gave the other faeries a look. "He's not taking this well at all," she whispered at them, "we'd better cover overselves before we try to explain."
     Turning to Joshua, she sighed audibly before adding, "and we have names too."
    
     Dresses magically appeared on the faeries, one red, one blue, one purple, and one by one they introduced themselves. The red faerie calling herself Calla, the blue Alyssum and the purple Hosta. Joshua hoped he would remember the odd names. The red one seemed like she might have a temper.

     Alyssum floated forward and took Joshua's right hand. "Now about this quest of yours..."
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Once again, to be continued at some point, when I figure out the quest.

Shirtless Adventures In Mystery Land

In the absence of anything else to post today, I bring you Shirtless Adventures In Mystery Land, Part 1


    The man walked slowly, and shirtlessly, down the dark street, shivering in the cold. He rubbed his well muscled arms to warm them, and wished he was wearing more than a pair of track pants slung low on his hips.

    His name was Joshua Rogers and he'd been drifting for a while now, unsure of what to do with his life. Hopping from place to place, usually staying just one night to get some rest and then moving on to the next small town.

    He'd been in this one for almost a week. A hole-in-the-wall place, hardly any population to speak of, and the people he had encountered weren't all that friendly. The type who didn't take kindly to strangers. And yet somehow, he couldn't bring himself to leave.

    Arriving back at the cheap-ass motel at which he'd been staying for the past three days, Joshua crawled shirtlessly into bed and fell into a deep dreamless sleep.


    Joshua woke slowly. Running a hand through his thick, dark hair he scanned the room, squinting in the pale dawn light, trying to figure out what exactly seemed wrong.

    That was it. There was a light glowing under the closet door. Which was really odd because the room didn't have a closet.

   Joshua climbed shirtlessly out of bed and moved toward the mysterious new closet. He was a tall man, and usually quite brave, but now he was feeling nervous. Telling himself it was probably a harmless dream, he grabbed the handle and pulled the door open.

   Joshua took a step forward and tripped into the bright light, rolling as he fell, landing on his back on what felt suspiciously like grass. In a closet, that hadn't existed.

   Propping himself up on his elbows Joshua stared in wonder at the three naked figures hovering in the air before him. Beautiful faces, long flowing hair, incandescent wings...
"Is this Narnia?"

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Part 2 to come at some later date when I know exactly where I'm heading with this. And yes, I know shirtlessly is not an actual word, it's part of an ongoing story telling joke I have with a friend.